I hear wedding bells !!

So it’s been a busy few weeks .. And honestly I’m teetering dangerously on the brink of utter exhaustion !! . Hair trails , running around collecting last minute things to make her day perfect whilst juggling 12 hour days at work .
It’s slowly killing me off .
My best friends getting hitched and I’m the chief bridesmaid , and I’m almost regretting half of the things I said yes too a year ago .. The speeches that I signed myself up for are now giving me heart palpitations , let alone walking down the isle having everyone gawping at me.
I seriously should think more about these situations and stop my mouth from spontaneously saying yes without my brain processing things .
But all that aside I’m so blooming excited !!!!! Like amazingly excited.

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Wedding cake ^^^^ and if u didn’t guess the themes green ūüôā .

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Care homes … Picking isn’t easy

Unfortunately due to today’s sick society and the select few people whom think that it’s socially acceptable to harm innocent people , both physically and mentally has given the care industry a bad name .
I can only reassure you it’s not all like that.
I can only sympathise with people who have no other option but to place a loved one in 24/7 care .. After all the horror story’s , why wouldn’t you worry?.
But not all of us are sadistic demons!.
I have worked in care for most of my life. I started off working in childcare , and the progressed onto working with the elderly and now I work with people whom have profound learning disabilities. All my jobs have given me some of the most rewarding experiences in my life!.
So despite the negativity and the branding of all care workers , I’m here to help reassure and offer a few tips that will hopefully ease worries and make choosing the right care home a lot easier.
Don’t be frightened , it’s so daunting but your not alone.
– write down any questions before you go … Seriously anything and don’t be afraid to ask them ! Anybody that has a heart will understand how important this is for you and your family.
-talk to other staff members. Don’t feel obliged to stick with the manager because they are showing you around. It is important you and your loved one feel comfortable with these people.
– look around, are the other residents being interacted with ? , do they look neat and tidy and well looked after ?. Don’t get me wrong sometimes there might be an odd person that may look slightly unkept , they might have refused a shower or even a change of clothes , but if 90% of the people look like they have just walked in homeless off the street , there’s a problem that needs solving.
– talk about activities , do they go out ? .. If so how often ? . Do they have an activities rota? And is it carried through ? .
– what’s the appearance of the home like ? , does it smell ? . In my experience and personal opinion there is no excuse for a home to smell . That’s what cleaning products and the right surfaces in the right rooms are for .
– what is the good like ? , ask to see menus. Is the food healthy and nutritious ? , is there more than one choice ? , what happens if they don’t like anything on the menu? .
– is there enough staff on for the amount of people in the home ? , when people Ask for the toilet are they being told to wait or taken right away ? .
No matter what home your loved one goes to live in , the quality of the care and home should be the same through and through , and care should be delivers of the highest quality .
If there are any concerns at all for anybody the CQC should be contacted immediately .
I hope this has helped … Don’t be afraid your never alone.

Ghosts … My story.

Have you ever been so frightened you can’t move?.
Well that happened to me many many times.
It all started when I was about 7-8 years old, one regular night like most scary films start I went to bed everything was normal tea , bath and then good nights by mum and dad little did I know it was a start to a long series of uncomfortable nights that sadly and terrifyingly went on for months.
I closed my eyes and comfortably wiggled my toes into my slumber something I’d always done and still to this day do .. I drifted off into dream land or was it ? , I was at the bottom of my stairs peering up onto my landing into my bathroom , I wasn’t alone harrowingly there was a a figure standing in the doorway I couldn’t see her face but I knew it was a woman .. A women I didn’t recognise . The fear paced through my body and I remember just wanting to wake up , I did and just lay there eyes open breathing heavy , glad it was over , I started to close my eyes getting comfy again and reassuring myself I was ok there’s no such thing as ghosts I repeated this cliche sentence over and over until my eyes prised open again , but this time it wasn’t because of a nightmare it was because I had just had an icy cold prod on my shoulder …. Fear had frozen every muscle in my body and the air was cool , I no longer felt safe I needed to move I wanted to race to my parents room and was literally next door , I slowly slid under my sheets and instantly felt safe being hidden in my cocoon of sheets , I finally peeled myself away from my safe hidden space and ran to my parents room instantly feeling safe again I burst into tears each tear was a sign of relief to see familiarity in there faces .
After I calmed I explained and my dad jumped in my bed whilst mum cuddles my tight , reassuring me and sending me into a safe slumber once more.
The next morning it wasn’t talked about or questioned , but that evening the same uncomfortable scenario landed me in my safe place again ( my mum and dads room).
This went on for months and my mum after talking to her years later had just put it down too bad dreams and had thought nothing of it until the icy cold poking and tapping started to inhabit her life and her dreams … Things started to get worse and my parents felt the need to call in a vicar who blessed the house … After that it went , I call it , it because I don’t know what it was although I do assume it was a female .
Needless to say I spent many year after sleeping with my light on and that was after i felt confident enough to even go back in my room .

The hen and her chicks …

A few months teetered by without me noticing and before I knew it I was at yet another amazing hen do .. Apart from this time I was the organiser .. Eek how exciting , my thoughts flew into overdrive and after a few , when I say a few I actually mean a thousand ideas got crossed off the list I came to a reasonable affordable idea.
So In the morning the bride to be was blindfolded put in a car and driven to a secret destination with her three gorgeous bridesmaids , we sat and had champs and a breakfast fairy tale picnic it was blissfully beautiful ! .Then we all went our separate ways to get ready for the main events . we then toddled off to her mummy’s where we had many many cocktails and drinks , chatted , laughed and played many games . After we had a diner reservation at a gorgeous little restaurant, the food was amazing serving lamb tageine , vegetable tageine , rice, mixed meat platters , balsamic pizza with goats cheese and rocket . Yum the list is endless . then the suprise arrived a look alike captain jack sparrow who was equally as yummy as the real Jonny Depp .
To be honest it was a night I never thought could be pulled together after my first initial trouble with ideas but it went down a treat , the bride to be was so happy with the outcome and after dressing her up in fairy wings , giving her whistles and a sash she really felt the part ūüôā .

When i was a child….

why is it when your children you think everything’s simple?, you think life tootles by with no effort made , watching dramas on TV just made you think what’s all the fuss about ? it cant be that hard? can it?.

everything seemed to easy back then I had no worry’s non, nothing, nada . I didn’t have to worry about setting my alarm for work, my mum was my alarm for school. Breakfast was made and I was taxied around everywhere not at any¬†one time did a sneaky little ninja¬†worry come karate chopping¬†into my head.

its worrying because your body is growing older and older but your mind never does.. I remember pondering about it thinking I really don’t feel the age I am I thought I would be acting much more sophisticated and adult like … it turns out that image was a complete and utter lie¬† still feel 10.

I think our society has grown into such a stress, worrying, impatient environment and as times change so do the generations of people …. no wonder people are having early heart attacks, strokes¬† and are just generally more aggressive people.

we need to as a whole reunite and think of each day as if its our last .. be compassionate , helpful , loving people and all work together instead of against each other!! .

more smiles , more laughter , more happiness…. for all we know we might only live this one life like this s we better all make the most of it ūüôā

 

Geocaching – one of the best ideas in the world.

okay, first off I want to praise and thank whoever invented geocaching!!…. its one of the best inventions ever, so¬† incredibly fun for all ages!. I first came across it whilst sat very bored in my works training one day , a girl whom I was sitting next to on our break started to talk about geocaching , I couldn’t get to grips with what she was on about, so I asked her politely to explain .. oh its like a giant treasure hunt she replied .. WOW instantly I was impressed and hooked on the idea of going searching for these ‘geocaches’ even so much so I had her take my on another break to go and find one locally.

basically geocaching is exactly that a huge treasure hunt they can come in all shapes and sizes , they can have swappables in them ( something that you can keep as long as you swap it with something of equal value) they can even have travel bugs in them ( something that has a GPS device in which usually has an aim to get to somewhere but can be tracked at all times all over the world.) you usually have to have an app or a GPS device to join in but itll be one amazing investment because there on in its free !! walking and getting fit have never been so fun.

if anyone wants more info heres the web address : click to join in ūüôā .

 

 

Hello nice to meet you, im the real bridget jones.

pushing all petty silly troubles aside I’m happy … I have a lovely job, a lovely family and a close fantastic network of friends. But there was something missing, something that I couldn’t put my finger on, until I was out on a hen do last week , what the heck am I doing ? , a very familiar pounding of overthinking questions pounded into my head .. where’s my fella? , where the hecks my children, wedding , and hen do? .

slowly doing a full circle glance of the people around me I noted, that they were just about all married or have partners and children and most of them had moved out. and here I am every Friday night glass of wine in hand and a fag in the other slightly overweight and going to more nights out and days out, with couples than singles … oooo shit .

my only difference to the good ole MISS Jones is she had a boss after her and her old childhood neighbour …… I have NEITHER.

I think panic slowly set in and I just wanted to run get away from a overwhelming situation .

I feel like i’m going through a early life crisis I want things that aren’t ready to come to me or are never coming to me , I need to learn patience but being as I was a premature child I think impatience is what i’m made of unfortunately for me its something I have to live with so I guess patience is the way forward it will happen when its all ready too.

 

 

 

 

Nannying my first steps out in the real world …

I started my working life off working in a private day nursery, I loved it but after a year I started to get itchy feet I was 18 and the world was my oyster I wanted to get out of the UK and see some of the world I was yet to experience . I trawled the internet looking for jobs abroad and up popped a Nanning/au pair site popped up , curiosity got the better of me and one click later I was in a world of people looking for people to come and look after there house and there children  from all over the world, many many curious emails later I had got job offers from Canada to Australia , I was like a child in a sweet shop not knowing which one to pick .

a few months drifted by still keeping in contact with the family’s that¬†were keen to have me , but it seemed it wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought it was going to be , the visa process is a lengthy process especially for Australia and for anybody that knows me they will tell you I’m damn right impatient , when something’s in my head I have to do it there and then¬†and so I did.

before I knew it I was heading off on a plane for the first time ever to Ireland¬†, I was alone … that was it thoughts buzzed round my head , my eyes welled up . the good old what ifs came¬†back … what if they don’t¬†meet me at the airport? , what if I hate it?¬†these thoughts continued to haunt me until I landed¬†.¬†once I¬†had landed I walked round to fetch my large polka dot suitcase and wheeled it off to arrivals ¬†¬†… I looked around a few scraggly looking men and a few people drinking there first pint of Guinness before leaving the airport… my first thought was where the heck did they get that from? ¬†I quite need a large stiff drink before I go anywhere. my second was where are they? , they weren’t there my heart started to pound in my chest , my palms went cold and clammy and I started to pick at my nails (nervous tick) , a few texts and phone calls later they pulled up late … I sighed the biggest sigh of relief and walked over to greet the family.

I spent a lovely few months over there the money wasn’t great and I started to feel very lonely .. I had thrown myself in at the deep end caring non stop for four lovely children … the long hours were draining in the end and unfortunately I ended up back at home but it was one of the best experience’s ever I’m so glad I pushed myself to do it and ¬†gain independence I had craved and seen a beautiful part of the world .

If anyone was ever to ask should they do it ? YES 100% YES it can be life changing ūüôā

 

Dealing with dementia… my story.

Its horrifying to think it could happen to any of us.. dementia that is , horrifying to think that one day we are ourselves and the next we don’t recognise ever our closest family members its one of the hardest things in life to deal with and come to terms with.

I loved my nana and granddad and would often be at there house in the summer as they lived at a seaside resort , my grandma passed away in the year 1998 this broke my heart I looked up to her so much, she was such a gentle ,pretty, soft lady with fire in her belly when it was called for ,both my granddad and herself met in the war and fell head over heals they were such a handsome match .

soon after my grandma died , my granddad seemed to struggle more and more a couple of years later he was diagnosed with bowel cancer and had a bag fitted to try and help things , my parents took it in turn to care for him along with other family members¬†. it started to become noticeable that he was forgetting things¬†only small things nothing to cause any concern at first but it gradually got worse he started to talk about visiting my grandma that day … he would¬†say strange things an example¬†that always stuck in my mind was when he tried to explain to me that there were stones in his cup of tea or even when he spat his tea at me . it¬†was heart breaking to see my well spoken ,kind , strong granddad break down into someone I started to barley recognise it was even harder to understand as I was so young ¬†. he sadly died in 2000 .

It SCARES me silly , even though I work very closely to those suffering from this horrible debilitating disease its never stopped me from being scared , scared mainly because I can’t predict what’s round the corner of my own or my family’s life,¬†I’ve witnessed many first hand experiences¬†¬†heart warming but then some harrowing . I’ve had punches thrown at me I’ve been spat at , pinched ,bitten ,scratched and sworn at called names and had my head smashed into a metal bin.

I pray for this disease to be cured so we can all grow old together knowing who we are from start to finish and remembering the beautiful memory’s we have worked so hard to make all our lives .

 

Depression .. my story.

In early January I fledged the nest for the second time , I had a job a lovely little house which I was renting , with a lovely housemate life just seemed peachy .

my birthday passed and I couldn’t be happier I got a new convertible car (which had always been a cheeky little dream.) and life seemed to be tootling by just nicely.

but then in early June I started to feel strange , I had emotions that I just couldn’t physically name I just had never felt like this before it was almost like a mixture of panic and I weird twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach ,¬† I started to seclude myself from the world I left social events early to sit in my room on my own and ball my eyes out . I didn’t tell anyone , I daren’t . what if they thought I was crazy?, am I normal?, what is this? , will they have to section me?. the thoughts that poured out my head were obscene looking back at them but id never felt anything like this .

days passed by and things got worse and worse the feelings were becoming more and more regular and I felt like I was in a big hole that I was never going to climb out of ever , I felt nobody would understand . until I was at a friends house id had a couple of glasses of wine which didn’t help and burst into tears.

“I really cant handle this anymore.” I think were my exact words , “I think I’m going crazy ” were a few others .

after releasing that I felt like a small weight had been lifted off my shoulders , but I was so scared with what her reply was going to be after I had explained everything.

“don’t worry, it be ok” .. knowing that I had someone to speak to about it made be feel so much better , but not knowing what it was making me feel like this worried me , some nights I would feel like my throat was closing up with anxiety I’d go hot shaken,¬†,light headed .

I finally plucked up and told my mum many nights of crying down the phone hoping for reassurance she finally convinced me to go and see a doctor , I was so nervous I was just¬†going to burst into tears I had everything all prepared and written down as soon as I sat down uncontrollable tears rolled down my face ..I sobbed so hard mostly because I couldn’t take anymore of this wanted out anything to make this go away¬†feeling but mixed with relief big relief¬†, this was key out of this hell hole!. I passed her the note I had written , she looked at me with calming eyes . talked to me and explained I am depressed.

I walked out looking a state but I didn’t care it was the calmest I had felt in a long.. long time , just knowing what this disorder was and what it was about I was prescribed anti-depressants but were told they are not a miracle pill I would need to wait to get it into my system , the next couple of weeks were hard but I coped with an amazing support network . I started to smile , go out and forget about the feelings which once had me trapped , I was free .

those for me were some of the darkest times in my life, I felt miserable and had thought once or twice about ending my life because of this horrible disorder.

I guess I’m writing this because I trawled and trawled the internet in some sort of hope there was someone out there that was feeling the same as me to make me feel somewhat “normal” whatever normal is . but I couldn’t find an awful lot .

I’m not ashamed … this experience has only made me a stronger person, there’s always a way out , there’s always people to help .. never ever ever give up the first step is the hardest but once your there and you take it , it only gets easier .